Should you dump your coach?

Aug 11, 2025

My hot take: if you’re wondering whether you should dump your coach, the answer is: 99%, yes.

Here’s why:

First, sanity-check what “good” looks like

Use this as a baseline for a typical coaching session:

  • Clear session goal: you and the coach set a specific outcome for the hour. This aligns with the standard of “establishing and maintaining agreements.”

  • Coach listens more than talks: you do most of the thinking out loud; the coach tracks, reflects, and probes. (“active listening”).

  • Follow-up questions, not lectures: questions (at least, good, thoughtful questions that are thought-provoking) help you generate options and choose next steps.

  • Concrete actions and accountability: you leave with specific commitments and a plan to review progress. That maps to “managing progress & accountability.”

If your sessions rarely include these elements, you’re not getting standard, evidence-based coaching practice.

Rapport, Rapport, Rapport

Trust powers the work. Without it, you hold back context, and the coach works with partial information; the quality of questions and actions drops.

What strong rapport looks like

  • You feel safe sharing uncomfortable details and tradeoffs.

  • The coach reflects your words accurately before offering input.

  • You can disagree, and the session stays productive.

  • Boundaries are clear: what’s on-limits, what’s off-limits, and what’s confidential.

  • Mistakes get owned and repaired quickly.

Quick self-check

Ask yourself after the session:

  • Did I feel heard, not managed?

  • Did the coach summarize my point of view in plain language I recognize?

  • Did I censor anything because I didn’t trust how it would land?

  • If there was tension, did we name it and reset?


    If you answered “no” more than “yes,” rapport is weak.

Quick self-test: are these issues happening?

Answer yes/no for each item from your last 2–3 sessions:

  1. Did we agree on a clear session outcome in the first five minutes?

  2. Did I speak more than the coach?

  3. Did the coach ask follow-ups that built on my words?

  4. Did I leave with 1–3 specific actions and a plan to review them next time?

  5. Do I see progress against goals we defined together?

Mostly “no”? That’s a signal to intervene.

Common red flags (and what to do)

  • The coach talks most of the time. Ask them to summarize what they heard before offering input and to stick to one question at a time. This aligns with active listening standards.

  • Generic pep talks or quotes. Request questions that help you analyze your situation and tradeoffs; coaching is not motivational speaking. The ICF framework emphasizes inquiry over advice.

  • No session structure. Begin by setting an explicit outcome: “By the end, I want a decision on X or three options for Y.” That’s the coaching agreement in action.

  • No accountability. Ask for a cadence: “Let’s review these two actions next week and define success criteria now.” That is standard practice.

If a recent community post like the one you read resonated—“wishy-washy sessions,” little to no follow-up, coach doing most of the talking—you’re not alone; these are common complaints when coaching drifts from core competencies. (Reddit)

Give clear feedback first

Okay, I was a bit aggressive earlier when I said you should 99% fire your coach. In reality, you probably should try to give feedback at least once, and see if the coach can adapt to what works for you.

Try one direct, specific request in your next session:

  • “Please start by confirming the outcome for today.”

  • “Before advising, could you reflect back what you heard?”

  • “Ask me one question at a time and leave space for me to think.”

  • “Let’s end with two actions, owners, and dates.”

This is not nitpicking. These requests match established coaching competencies and will change how the session runs if the coach is willing to adjust.

But, what if this doesn’t work? Or what if you just don’t feel that rapport?

How long should you wait before switching?

You can give it two to three focused sessions after giving feedback is enough to judge the shift.

But honestly, in my experience, if you’re not feeling it, just cut your losses and find a different coach. Today. Now.

How dump your coach

First, write a short wrap-up of your engagement with your coach: What you learned, what remains open, and your current goals.

Then, send a clear note to your coach, ending the engagement and thank them for the work done. This is a professional courtesy. There’s no need to lie, make up an excuse, or ghost them. Just say you’re grateful for the chance to work and learn from them, but you’re interested in trying something else.

Find another coach by… dating

When looking for another coach, you should try it by dating around. By that, I mean, try 1 session with a few different coaches, either in the same week or just 1 week apart. Take notes on what you did/didn’t like with the coach. Make it clear to them that you’re trying different coaches, and you’re looking for what feels right.

Shameless plug: you can also try AI Coaching. We’ve built out an AI coaching assistant that we think does a really good job as a coach. Give us a try, and let us know what you think.